June 17, 2014

adjusting

adjustingadjustingadjustingadjustingadjusting
{adjusting}
alter or move (something) slightly in order to achieve the desired fit, appearance, or result.

This word has nine letters, means to change something to get a desired result, and has become the definition of my life so far this year. 

To say I am the same person as I was one year ago would be a definite falsehood. 
To say I'm the same person as just a few months ago would be a lie.
I'm adjusting.
I honestly didn't even think about how relevant that word is to me not only right now, but this whole year.

Last year had its ups and downs, but January 2014? Roller coaster. 
It's as if God planned that this year was going to be a big year full of Him molding me into someone He has in His mind starting from day one. 
These months have been nothing short of difficult for me. 
I've actually been one to like change, I need different things in my life. 
But this has been hard. It's coming too fast. 
It's like in those dreams you have every once in a while, the ones where you're stuck in a maze and there's something chasing you, and no matter what, you can't get out, but they never catch up to you. You wake up in a sweat, scared for your life. 
Then realize it's just a dream. 
Except for me, it's not a dream, it's actual real life.

God has been doing a lot in me. He has thrown a lot at me, but it's not all been bad. I've had a lot of great opportunities lately, especially in regards to photography. It's starting up, and I'm ready.

Apparently, though, I'm not ready for plans God has coming up for me. 
It's exciting, and deathly terrifying to think about.

But I've made it this far, and whatever is in store for me, I know I will be ready for. I'm not adjusting for nothing, God is good, and He knows when I will be ready. And it will be just in time.

As of right now, I'm an emotional wreck, in ten more ways than one, I feel exhausted a lot, and it's not fun. But I'm pushing on the race.

When I'm not here writing, I'm adjusting not only from school to summer work, but from my old life, to my new one.
xo, rn
ps- yes, i do believe this post was a jumbled mess of my jumbled thoughts. but i needed to write this down somewhere, and thought i'd update my blog to remind you that no, i'm not dead.