April 15, 2012

Life // nighttime

I always have been a little afraid of the dark. Of nighttime. When I was 10 and 11 I was so scared of night that I made rules for myself that I had to live by. They were quite ridiculous. One was, I couldn't be the last one in bed. (weird, huh? Well, it gets weirder...) another was I couldn't be the last one to talk. If I was, it would take me a while to get to sleep. Another was I couldn't be the last person to breath loudly. Crazy, right? Yes. It was crazy. But I was so afraid. And the thing that helped was obeying those rules.
But the fear wouldn't go away.
I started to lean more on God to help me through the nights. As I got older I asked Him more and more to help me and He always did. A while ago (no more than two years) I completely gave my fear to Him, and told Him, that if He wanted His Daughter happy, He was going to have to do something with the fear, first. And He did. I recently realized that He took away just about every trace of that fear. And now, right now, I realized that I actually like nighttime. It makes me want to stay up late by myself just doing my thing with no one bothering me, and being alone. It also gets my creative and organizing and designing juices flowing (unfortunately, not my photographic ones... But that's more of a day thing anyway...)
Nighttime is also so... Unpredictable. It's dark, you don't know what's coming until its there.
I actually like nighttime.
And I am so happy God took that fear away so that I can feel that.
Just imagine how it would feel if you didn't have God to lean on.
You'd be living with fear everyday and there wasn't any way you knew of to get rid of it- like I did.
We need to reach out to these people. To tell them that there is someone who can heal their sadness or hurt. Or take away their fear. 
That's God.

In writing this at almost 12 am on my iPod. The window is open, and there is a nice rainy breeze (no rain, though, haha) its also pretty warm. Lately it has been. The wind just picked up. And its gorgeous. <3

By the way, I sold my first Etsy item yesterday! (on Saturday)
Okay, I'll end this post already... ;)


yes, you have a beautiful soul.