November 14, 2014

"i need to focus on other stuff, or i'll go insane"

life life

life is weird. you think you have everything figured out for so long, years even, and then in one short realization, you could be one hundred percent wrong, and it's scary, the thought of building your life upon that, and then it's actually nothing. your world comes crashing down.

and then, after you decide that you've got to do something, you try, and mostly it just brings pain. that pain that feels like your heart is being ripped in half, and you don't exactly know what to do. so you cover it up, saying "i need to focus on other stuff, or i'll go insane". 

"i'll deal with it later." you promise yourself, but before you realize it, covering it up, and pushing it off, that only makes it harder when the 'dealing with it' comes. something i will promise you, is that it's no good to promise yourself you'll deal with something later. especially not something having to do with your heart. 

because then you start becoming immune to feeling anything. it starts slowly, you won't realize it at first. it's a long process, but you realize it when someone asks you something about how you're feeling, and you don't know how to respond, because you don't even know what you're feeling. your brain can't process it and then make it into words anymore, and the only way to reverse that, is to deal with that pain, that hurt. and it's hard. really hard, and it hurts. it hurts a lot.
xo, rn