November 14, 2014

"i need to focus on other stuff, or i'll go insane"

life life

life is weird. you think you have everything figured out for so long, years even, and then in one short realization, you could be one hundred percent wrong, and it's scary, the thought of building your life upon that, and then it's actually nothing. your world comes crashing down.

and then, after you decide that you've got to do something, you try, and mostly it just brings pain. that pain that feels like your heart is being ripped in half, and you don't exactly know what to do. so you cover it up, saying "i need to focus on other stuff, or i'll go insane". 

"i'll deal with it later." you promise yourself, but before you realize it, covering it up, and pushing it off, that only makes it harder when the 'dealing with it' comes. something i will promise you, is that it's no good to promise yourself you'll deal with something later. especially not something having to do with your heart. 

because then you start becoming immune to feeling anything. it starts slowly, you won't realize it at first. it's a long process, but you realize it when someone asks you something about how you're feeling, and you don't know how to respond, because you don't even know what you're feeling. your brain can't process it and then make it into words anymore, and the only way to reverse that, is to deal with that pain, that hurt. and it's hard. really hard, and it hurts. it hurts a lot.
xo, rn

14 comments:

  1. Hmmm...well put Rachel, well put. <3

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  2. Hi Rachel! You have absolutely gorgeous photos:) Also, you've been nominated over at my blog ---->

    http://curiousramblingsbychloe.blogspot.com/2014/11/blogger-recognition-award.html

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  3. Your blog is beautiful and your pictures are stunning!
    See me at www.myblue-stripedumbrella.blogspot.com

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  4. Wow. This sums up so much for me.

    This post is brilliant, and I think your blog is fantastic!

    xoxo

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    1. i'm so glad it does. thank you very much, Adelaide!

      xx, rn

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  5. this.
    this is the best thing i've read in a long time. it cutrs right to my heart and is so relateable it makes me ache.
    in one way, i sorry that we feel the same way, but i'm almost grateful because this just helped me. a lot.
    thank you.

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    1. i'm so exceedingly glad it helped you. this is what i love most about blogging. to know that i'm not alone and that my words help others.
      thank you thank you, Abigail!

      xx, rn

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  6. Just found your blog and so enjoying it! I hope we can become good blogging friends☺️ Have a blessed evening
    - Madi Elizabeth
    www.madiupwardbound@gmail.com

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    Replies
    1. thank you, Madi! i'm so happy you're enjoying it. :)

      xx, rn

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  7. agh. this. you are basically describing 2014 to me...

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    Replies
    1. so many people who feel the same things, and i never even realized.

      xx, rn

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yes, you have a beautiful soul.