February 12, 2015

learning myself || part iii

self portraits
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it's been awhile since i've done one of these, and things have even changed substantially since that last time. i've found that learning myself will never come easy because i'm constantly changing. one day i may wake up thinking i love one thing, and the next week i may find that it was only a small interest, and it no longer holds much value.

lately lots has been changing, and dealing with it all has been extremely difficult. i'm not sure where to start, or where i'm going, or why i'm doing what i'm doing. i constantly find myself wondering who i am, why i'm such an idiot, or why i have to be who i am. and these thoughts aren't good, and i'm ashamed to admit that i think them quite often. i'm constantly putting myself down because i did something wrong, and there's no way i'll be able to get out of it now. i beat myself up about things that are of little consequence in the long run, i remind myself of times where i made a mistake, and i tend to dwell on those things much longer than i need to, and it isn't until i go to Jesus when things start looking up.

and i don't know why i don't do it more often, because he always reminds me that i'm not strong enough, brave enough, or good enough, but that he is, and that i need to rely on him to lead me through this rough terrain. and that's so reassuring to my heart, because no, i won't ever be good enough at anything to be perfect, but thats okay, because i'm a child to the creator of the universe, and i'm meant to be because of him. he knows everything about my future. he knows how i will mess up, he knows how i will say the wrong things, but he reminds me that his plan is greater than any of those things.

yes, i do constantly berate myself for things that aren't a big deal, i put myself down for things that are in my past,
but the greatest thing of all is that God knows about those, and even the things i can't remember, and he has promised me that it will be okay, and that his love and redemption are greater than any of them.

xo, rn

8 comments:

  1. Oh Rachel, this is beautiful. Isn't it great that we can rely on God through our lives? Even though we are so broken, he puts the pieces back together again. Thank you for sharing this. ♥

    p.s. You are absolutely gorgeous! :)

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    1. oh, Eve, yes yes! i love the way you put it. thank you so much for your sweet words!

      xx, rn

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  2. You are such a beautiful lady, and don't let anyone ever tell you others. I love this post because it reminds me how broken we are and how perfect He is. Because that's how we should live our entire lives. Knowing that He is constantly redeeming us even though we are not worthy of His perfect Love. Great post, great reminder xx.

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    1. thank you so much, Elisabeth! you are so so sweet, and i'm so happy you enjoyed this post. i agree completely. thank you for the sweet message!

      xx, rn

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  3. You are a beautiful person, inside and out :)

    ~megann
    megannsmusic.blogspot.com
    (i'm having a giveaway!)

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    1. oh, thank you, thank you, sweet friend!

      xx, rn

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  4. yesyesyes. i've been learning a lot about this recently. xx

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    1. so neat to find friends who understand.

      xx, rn

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yes, you have a beautiful soul.