starbucks date .001

here i am sitting in starbucks. i've completed all my homework goals, while listening to the hum of various conversations, the baristas making drinks, and some of my very favorite, hand selected, playlists. i'm feeling very productive, as getting that homework done is always like pulling teeth for me when i'm at home. i'm thinking it might be a good idea to add a starbucks date to my weekly schedule.
i just finished a decaf tiramisu cappuccino. this is the first coffee i've had for one and a half months. i'm off most caffeine beverages because recently i've found out that i have a well-advanced case of tmj, and caffeine is not helpful for my jaw. not having coffee has been hard, but maybe not quite as difficult as i thought it would be. not having caffeine has been more of a challenge, as i know i had become quite accustomed to having it help me get through every day, and not having that extra burst of energy has made life... different. 
my homework took a little over an hour, and not having many distractions was so helpful. i used to try to put my phone and computer out of reach and tell myself i couldn't use it at all until my goals were met. i must say that was quite a bad idea, and have let myself use it for short periods of time every so often. this plan, i will admit, is more effective. and now that i have some extra time, i am planning on using it to just reevaluate myself and my life.
recently i've become very frustrated with things i do. even occasionally to the point where i can't even stand being around myself, in a way. i'm hoping to use this time to come up with a new plan for how to live life more willing and ready to listen to God at all points, but it's so hard when you don't feel like you have any control over what you do, and you're honestly unsure where that control is. i do believe that God gives you control over parts of your life, and he uses the decisions you make to either show you how much you need him, or to bring him glory. and, in a way, i feel like i'm lacking that, and i'm not sure where that is.
i guess the point of this post, my friends, is to ask for prayers. many things are happening, and i can handle knowing them, but i feel like i can't deal with them because this is a whole new area, and i have no experience. i'm praying for wisdom in this period of time, and would greatly appreciate any prayers from you dear people. and at the same time, i ask that you put a prayer request for yourself below. i know how much pain there can be, and i know how you can make yourself immune to it so that you don't feel anything. i know how difficult those times can be, and i know some of you are going through either of these emotions (and even others), and i would dearly love to add you to my prayers, as the fact that someone cares and is praying can bring so much comfort to getting through the day. you don't have to go into detail, i highly understand the feeling of not wanting to do that, but i urge you to at least put something down there.
let us pray for each other, and praise God together, friends. xo, rn