May 10, 2017

of anger + grace

lately lately lately lately lately


it's coming harder and faster and 
more than just occasionally
it hurts, i'm mad, i don't want to be
i hate it; i want it to leave
so i push it away; laugh at myself, and 
in doing so, only push the nail in deeper


anger is something i've never really struggled with hardcore. i'm a pretty sarcastic person, and growing up with eight siblings, you learn to grow a thick skin and to let things roll off your shoulder. that being said, there are still a few things that really get under that thick skin, things that hurt, sting, and then exude anger. i can't deny that it hasn't been happening more often lately, this year has been weird, and full of very unexpected challenges, and with that, i have found anger playing a bigger role in my life.

but i'm not here to tell you that that's all bad, i'm not here to tell you that feeling angry is wrong, or something you should feel badly about, because i don't believe it is. i actually feel the opposite, i believe that, in moderation, anger is good, but it also needs to be followed by grace, for everyone and everything involved within the situation.

i'm an avoider, i avoid conflict at all costs, and if that means repressing my anger, if that means hiding it under the surface and wearing the 'it's all fine' mask, i will do that, and i have been able to see how many negatives there are to avoiding the anger, or pushing it away. you see, feelings need to be felt, especially strong feelings, or feelings that keep reappearing; they are reappearing for a reason, and they aren't going to halt their existence until you work through them. This is why i believe that feeling that anger, and living in it in the moment is good.

feeling things isn't bad, it gets ugly when you take action on those feelings in a negative way. this is why you need to be careful, why it's important to take some time to work through those strong feelings, feel them hard, and then, after you've concluded which faults are yours and which are not, you show grace, to anyone or anything involved, but also to yourself. both sides are very important and you can't grow or move on without either. a lot of times anger comes from things that are only a miscommunication, and you don't or won't see that until you work through the situation or problem, and giving grace is easier when you see that maybe things weren't exactly as they seemed in the heat of the moment.

when it's all said and done, none of us are perfect, but there is some perfection in showing love, even when maybe it's not exactly what you want to be doing, even when you're a bit hurt and stung by what someone may have said or done to you. it's hard, especially when they seem clueless to the fact that they're hurting you in the first place, but working through that and being able to give grace in the form of forgiveness? there's beauty in that.

anger is important, feeling it is more important, working through it is the most important of the three, but giving grace is most important of all.

xx, rn

4 comments:

  1. Absolutely beautiful. The pictures AND the words.

    I really needed this. Thank you. <3

    xx Mackenzie

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  2. Those pictures are amazing and I love what you're saying here - so true! I have five siblings and I agree, you learn to let things not bother you, but you must also learn to feel something, to get angry but in your anger extend grace. Lovely post!

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    Replies
    1. thank you so much, kara! i am so glad that you enjoyed it. :) xx, rn

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